To walk out of misery.

How should I start this...

The past 2 days were hell. I couldn't control my emotions and was venting my frustrations with both my fists. I'm not trying to let the whole world know what had happened to me, but just let me be. I know we are all different, you may be strong, I'm not..

This world never fails to fall on me. Something I've built for so long could just be destroyed within a day.. Something I built that was not waiting for, something I built that was not within my worth.. Feelings we all know come and go.. Wonder what kept me holding on for so long, wonder why didn't you let me go.. Take back your words as they were mean enough to shatter my heart of glass. Is only sorry all we could say...?

The one thing that I tried so hard to hold on to, it's over.. I can finally breathe again.. Back to where we started? "Hi, what's your name?"

Goodbye to you...

SCM Pre-event!

(Typing this while waiting for my hair to dry! Just reached home and took a cold shower!) Anway..... Yay!!!! My weekend was a very fulfilling one indeed!! :] Work was fun with all the lovely people I've befriend with! They are also the gungho cuckoos who will laugh and crap like shit together with me!!! Wahaha. Thank you all! Thank God I met such a wonderful bunch people, and just glad that work went well!! Made a good $60 though its tiring and all, but time passes really fast. Oh ya, and thank goodness I don't have to eat another KFC meal! All my meals consist of chicken! Can you believe it, Kentucky FRIED chicken for all meals. So far I ate 4, but the rest who worked a day more had eaten their 6th KFC meal! VERY SCARY! I will miss looking at the horny people who are entering SexPo, packing(like real), shouting F&M(XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL) behind the counter!!, running wild along the counter isle, losing our image infront of the customers, singing songs like we knew the lyrics and most importantly, the after-work noise pollution!!!!! Woh me God, luh! Looking forward to hang out with all of you guys again!! I know, I laugh very loud, talk very loud, scream very loud, and WHISPER VERY LOUD!!! Don't mind me! I'm born LIKE THAT. Hahaha! YAY! You all love me, yes I know. HAHAHA :] Yay... Am sooooo happy. But feeling quite moody deeeeeeep down. But yes, really really enjoyed myself. I'm quite upset that I can't help out for the event next weekend : ( OH WELL, will miss you all so much... Hope to see everyone around biz school, yeah :]
SCM PRE-EVENT COUNTER CREWS KICK ASS BABESS!!!! :DD
Sigh, I haven't study for tomorrow biz stats quiz. Congratulations!!! I'm going to FLUNG IT MAN. Sighhhhhhhhhhhh..... Going off now. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!

PS: If any Standard Charter Marathon counter crews(staff/support) of TP, especially my gungho noise pollution cuckoos, happened to pop by my spastic blog, you guys know its the, OH-SO-LOVEABLE(CHOKES ON MYSELF! HURLING!!!) hahah, ME! Nah just kidding okay, you guys can just add me on msn, aualor-@hotmail.com ! THANKS! LOVE CHEW!

it is better if we stay that way....
will you still be there like our yesterdays......
if only i could let go....

:(

what about me?
you couldn't care less.

what the heck is wrong with me?
everything's so wrong with me.

why should i bother?
when you think my existence is such a nuisance.

in the end?
why do you always have to come back to me.

when in the first place,
you don't even care....

you could jolly well abandon me.. or just leave me alone..

i think i'm hearing too many voices in my head. i'm sick. and mentally ill. i'm malfunctioning. i'm drowning in my own tears 'cause no one saved them for me. i'm hopeless. i'm so fucking emotionally unstable. and i'm still talking to myself. i need to sleep. i can't sleep. because i think. and when i think. i don't get my sleep. so sick and tired. fucked up week. God bless Olivia, please.....

period.

deprived.

feeling super lousy now.. wonder why am i so tired even though i haven't done anything. i guess... i'm mentally tired.. ever wanted to help a friend, but you feel totally helpless about yourself? was it an accident to know a secret? is it wrong to let it all out to feel better? or, is it right to be slient about it while you watch them suffer? why can't we help them? you mean, it's really okay to watch them wither their lives away..? and is there absolutely nothing we can do....? will it go away...?

just another phase, and another mistake.
why won't we speak what the heart spoke?
are there really things that are beyond the explainable?
when will we understand..?
i just don't.

all you could do now is to save me from tears.

girls night out!

Today was awesome!! I had sooooo much fun :] I meet up with dearest Olivia this morning for brunch! Been quite awhile since I last saw her. Right? She went out with somebody in the end.. Yes.. Mr. Somebody! You know who you are!!!! YOU STOLE MY LOVELY AWAY. :( AND MADE ME REALLLYYYY UPSET! Nvm! Least I had Jolene(Haha! Nope, you do not have an eyesight problem! My babe's name is exactly the same as mine! She's my NOOKY!) and Hanna pie(DEAREST MOOKY!!) for the evening. Damn I love you both, my 'lesbo' partners!!! La Sookies! :] Man, was it crazy!! We did the crazzzzziest things today. Ok, watching A Good Year wasn't that crazy, buying Starbucks' X'mas season Peppermint Mocha wasn't crazy either... BUT, Cam-whoring in the changing room(lingerie dept.) of Tangs was INSANITY!!! WOH ME GOD LUH! Had sooooo much crap and fun!! We should do this often man! Till alllll the sales aunties who works at the lingerie department recognise us and bugggg us every 5 minutes to check on us while we change into pretty, pretty, PRETTY dresses which cost a bloody bomb! LOL! Hahahahas.. We walked back to Douby Gort... and went into Giraffe to chillll.. Yay.. Started cam-whoring again! LOL.. And we all went home! Heh.. Soo much for skipping band!!! Love you all, my sookies! And OLIVIA :] Please be alright, I will stand by you!! Thanks for your words of encouragement!! I'll keep them in mind. I'm sooooo going to get into OTC SUB-COMM!!! ha, whatever. Nights!

I need.....

I feel so...... I don't know, almost everyone thinks that I'm not okay. I just can't explain myself... I just need someone to talk to.... I can't sleep... I can hardly think... I'm so damn tired... I can't help myself!!!

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF!

I don't know what I should do now... I... I...... I.................. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Seriously..?
Just too tired and caught up with M Y O H S O M I S E R A B L E L I F E??
BOO HOO HOO.
SOOOO STUPID..
I sound like some emo-fucking loser. whimp. whinner. bitch. baa. blah.

JOL'S A BIG FAT LOSER!

MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT:
-You
-School
-Band
-Friends

you?
.......
WTF, luh. No life. Damn.

There ain't no fear, there ain't no hope
There ain't no right, there ain't no wrong
Just make loud, just make it loud
Just make it loud, I feel no touch

There ain't no past, there ain't no fate
There ain't no thoughts, there ain't no rules
Spoken words, broken hearts
Instant dreams

Just let it slide, wasting time
Just keep it goin' and goin'
Just let it slide, wasting life
Just keep that flowin' and flowin'
Just make it loud, in your room
Just make it loud, no one cares
And just let it slide..

There ain't no pain, there ain't no help
There ain't no doubt, there ain't no name
Just make it fun, just make it fun
Just make it fun, and carry on

There ain't no hate, there ain't no grace
There ain't no harm, there ain't truth
Empty vows, spring or falls
Lost and found

Just let it slide, wasting time
Just keep it goin' and goin'
Just let it slide, wasting life
Just keep that flowin' and flowin'
Just make it loud, in your room
Just make it loud, no one cares
And just let it slide..

Now I hear it snows, this year is getting colder
How I feel inside, losing my concentration
Now I need more time, somehow I'll make it through
I just need more time......

My not so accurate lyrics for
Ellegarden - Slamander
Awesome rock.
(Blasting some hard rocking music into my almost-deaf ears. I don't want to sleep right now..)

erm.

Yeah, I really don't know what to say now. Lol.. Other than spending my days in school, band and awaiting for upcoming activities(BSC and Band), I seriously got nothing to do. Lol.. Oh ya, projects are coming up sooooooonnn, veeeeerrryyyyy sooooooonn... Stupid. Actually, I'm feeling quite stressed up now.... But is like we haven't even started on any projects or whatever shit, I'm already choking myself. Sounds pathetic. I seem to be talking to myself too...

Oh well, I had a super filling dinner but with average tasting food with my family just now. I'm BLOATED. Blahhhh.. Maybe that's why I'm so whiny and crappy.... What's making me worse is my runny nose...... and teaching Olivia maths over the phone. HAHAHAHA.. It's already 1.32AM, I'm suppose to be in bed but I just can't seem to fall asleep.. And I have a 9AM tutorial in the fucking morning. Fuck. Crude. Fuck. Crude. Whatever. Ignore me and my profanities. Period.

Oh what is going to happen tomorrow? Tomorrow? Tomorrow??? Lol.
Dear God, Save me from misery.. Please.
Au revoir.
"Parlez votre coeur hors."

:(

Hello people. My Joo Joo passed on last night. Lol, sorry Jacq, my goldfish is already dead! Haha.. :/ It's okay.. Blame me for not having a proper home for Joo Joo. His fishbowl didn't have a filter as it was toooo small! So, I have to change the water every night, and that might have resulted in his death! :( (SOB..) Maybe I overfed him 'cause I love my Joo Joo toooo much!!! So much for living for 10 days, my strong strong lil' fishy.. Oops... No more fishy for Jol I guess.

I'm pretty lethargic now... Sleepy, but I can't sleep. Having morning lecture later. Arrrrr! So tiring. Hate earling mornings, especially when I have to get on that bloody packed 27. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Lol. I'm so bored now. Sorry Olivia, 'cause I can't really teach. Everything has been returned to the teachers! :x LOL. Cya on friday!

Sooo, I hope all my fellow friends who are taking 'O's will do well, okay! :]